Let’s face it: communication in marriage can sometimes feel like a minefield. You might find yourself tiptoeing around sensitive topics and trying to express your feelings without triggering a conflict. Sounds frustrating, right? But here’s the good news: you are not alone, and there are effective behavioral health techniques in marriage counseling that can aid in strengthening communication in your marriage. Wondering how? Well, let’s delve into some practical methods used in behavioral health counseling that can transform the way you communicate with your spouse.
#1 Active Listening: More than Just Hearing
This is a powerful technique that can transform how you can communicate with your spouse. It involves fully concentrating on what your partner is saying instead of merely waiting for your turn to speak. This technique aligns with Dr. John Gottman’s principle of effective communication, which emphasizes listening with empathy to build deeper connections. By integrating the Gottman approach with Internal Family Systems (IFS), individuals can also recognize “parts” of themselves, such as a reactive or defensive part that might interfere with fully listening and responding openly to a partner.
Here’s how you can focus on active listening:
- For one, focus on your partner. Eliminate distractions, put your phone away, turn off the TV, and maintain eye contact. Show them that you are genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings instead of vaguely listening to them.
- After your partner shares their feelings paraphrase what they said to ensure you understand. For instance, “So what I hear you saying is…. Is that correct?” This validates their feelings and encourages openness.
- After listening, share your thoughts respectfully, and avoid interrupting or dismissing their feelings. Instead, affirm their emotions, even if you don’t fully agree.
#2 Use “I” Statements: Own Your Feelings
In relationships, how we express our feelings matters significantly. Using “I” statements can help you communicate your feelings without blaming each other. This approach reduces defensiveness and promotes understanding. For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I’m talking about my day.” According to the IFS approach, by using “I” statements, individuals can be encouraged to identify parts of themselves that may feel unheard or vulnerable, so they can easily communicate with others with empathy and responsibility.
“I” statements mean you take responsibility for your feelings, so it’s easier for your partner to respond empathetically. In addition, it also reduces conflict. By framing your feelings rather than criticizing your partner, you minimize the likelihood of escalating tensions.
#3 Schedule Regular Check-Ins
When life gets busy, you might overlook the merits of regular communication. During these times, your partner could feel neglected, and if you don’t want them to feel so, schedule weekly or biweekly check-ins to maintain a healthy bond. During these sessions, the therapist can create a safe space and encourage you to be honest with respectful conversation. Try sharing what’s going well in your relationship and the areas where you feel you could improve. Using Gottman and IFS principles during these check-ins, you can encourage honest conversations about relationship strengths and areas for growth.
Also try to celebrate small successes and work together on challenges. Use these sessions to discuss relationship goals. Whether it’s about planning a trip or addressing a recurring issue, set mutual objectives to reinforce teamwork.
#4 Nonverbal Communication
Communication isn’t just about words; nonverbal cues play a significant role in how we convey messages. Being aware of your body language can enhance your communication skills. Maintain eye contact, be mindful of your tone, observe your partner’s cues, and seek professional guidance for a reliable third-person perspective on your relationship. IFS can also aid in understanding any inner parts that might hold back physical expressions of connection, like affection or openness, due to past experiences or vulnerabilities.
The Bottom Line
Making communication effortless in a marriage is an ongoing journey that requires effort, patience, and practice. Suppose you want to eliminate disagreements and cultivate a healthier bond that improves your understanding of each other. In that case, you can opt for counseling for mental health or marriage counseling and make your bond stronger. Start communicating with your spouse with intention and love, and watch your relationship thrive.
